as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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