do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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