i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
