i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I just gargled with NyQuil
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
