i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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