I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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