woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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