Umm I'm too high to move.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
