...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
