Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
