Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
