i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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