Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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