Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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