nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
