dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
