fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
