i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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