So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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