a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
