i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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