Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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