Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
