You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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