You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
