Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Randomize
