Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
