There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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