So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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