The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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