I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
