Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
