Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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