I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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