But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
