Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
