so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
