Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
