Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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