I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
