dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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