I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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