This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
