did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
