I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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