his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
