I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
A bitchslap is in order.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
