So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
