weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
