I should be sponsored by Trojan
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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