I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
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