Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Enjoy the penises
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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