absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Randomize
