dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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