____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
