Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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